A lesson in Turkmen (and then some)

1.) Koynek

This word is used to refer to traditional women's dresses and to men's

dress-shirts. I am using it here in reference to the first. In most

kichi obalar (small villages) you will see women wearing nothing but

koyneks on the street, in the house, daytime and nighttime. Most

koyneks are adorned with yaka, or embroidery. There are house koyneks

and toy koyneks. House koyneks are loose fitting for housework and

are made of cotton with less ornate yaka. Toy koyneks are often made

of more expensive fabric like silk or velvet and will include

extremely ornate yaka designs across the chest and sometimes all the

way down the front. To have a koynek made, you will need to find a

tikinchi, or a dressmaker and a woman who does yaka. It seems like

everyone's sister, mother and sister-in-law is a tikinchi, so it is

never a problem to track one down. The women make the yaka by hand

sometimes or with a machine that resembles a sewing machine yet moves

from side to side as the needle stitches. You can tell a lot from a

woman's yaka. The designs are different in each welayat, there are

traditional necklines for dresses and more contemporary designs, and

wealth can be seen in the amount of detail and size because the price

corresponds directly to the time needed to make it. The most ornate dress that a woman has in her lifetime is her wedding dress. In Ahal, the bride's dress weighs

up to 30 kilos depending on the amount of silver and gold sewn onto

it. She wears this for a month except for when sleeping and goes around to guest with all the women in her village, accompanied by a member of her husband's family at all times. When a woman has a new dress made, everyone will say "gutly bolsun" or "Congratulations." Tikinchis often have their own idea of what your dress should look like and the design process for my koyneks has been a true act of diplomacy.

2.) Chai

"Anya, chai iyjekmi?" 10 minutes later. "Anya, chai iyjekmi?" "Annie,

will you drink some tea?" Chai drinking here is so much more than

sitting down over a cup of tea. Here, chai drinking is a way of making

friends, getting to know someone, gaining their trust, socializing,

offering your hospitality, procrastinating…chai drinking is also

sometimes considered working and being productive. The chai is

steeped and then you can pour one cup and pour it back in the teapot.

Pour a second cup and pour it back in the teapot. Pour a third cup

and pour it back in the teapot. Three is a special number in Islam,

and many things are done 3 or 7 times. After the third cup is poured

back in, you can drink. Turkmen have a huge sweet tooth and chai is

always accompanied by candies wafflies (or wafer cookies) and other

sweets. My grandmother can finish two teapots by herself and doesn't

understand that I can only handle two or three cups. She has spent

the last eighty years building up her chai drinking stamina! Turkmen

culture is very indirect and people will not be totally forward with

you about what they want, this is part of the reason why business and

professional matters are often discussed over tea; the conversation

can flow between work and personal conversation with more ease. To be

friends, you must drink tea. It's a rule in Turkmen culture. By

sitting down for chai with someone, you are showing them that you have

time for them and that you want to get to know them and their family.

There is a personal relationship that can only be developed over chai.

American culture teaches us that we have to be busy to be productive,

but Turkmen culture is the opposite; even chai can be seen as

productive—maybe you are cultivating a valuable friendship that you

might not have had if you didn't accept that one cup of chai.

3.) Nesip Bolsa!

This saying is similar to "Inshallah," or "God Willing." Literally,

it means "if you have the chance." In Turkmenistan, if Allah wills

something to happen, it will happen. When praying, protection and

good fortune are asked for and Allah will listen and decide when is

the right time for things to take place. Turkmen say "nesip bolsa"

often and will tack it onto the end of many sentences as a last

thought. "My son will return from the army next month, nesip bolsa."

This reference to Allah takes form in many other greetings as well.

Tañry yalkasyn is Thank you in Turkmen but can be literally broken

down as "Allah blesses you." And the response to this is

Bileyalkasyn, or "We both will be blessed." In Turkmenistan there is

toy (wedding) season in the fall but the season for Huday yoly never

stops. Our teacher first described a Huday yoly as a prayer party,

which is the basic idea. Huday yoly means "path to Allah" and a

family will honor their ancestors or a recently deceased family member

by throwing a Huday yoly. Everyone in the village is invited, a sheep

or cow is killed in honor and the local mullahs are invited to lead

the prayer. The animal's soul is a sacrifice to Allah so that he does

not take the life of anyone else in the family. When you are invited

to a Huday yoly, you say Kabul Bolsun to the family which means "I

wish Allah accepts your sacrifice." Because they have sacrificed a

soul to Allah, by saying this you also ask Allah to take notice of the

Huday yoly. One can say Huday yoly when you give a gift to another

person, and by saying this you are giving a gift to Allah. In

response to the gift, the receiver must say Kabul Bolsun so that Allah

sees that this gift was given in His name. Before I understood what

all these greetings meant, I had no idea of the importance that these

words hold in this culture. All of these phrases have Allah in them,

but none of them explicitly say Allah. Coming up in December, we will

celebrate Gurban Bayramy—three days of sacrifices, visiting all your

family and friends, praying and dedicating this time to wiping away

sins and asking for protection. Again, there will be much Huday yoly

and Kabul Bolsun to be said and I hope that Allah does protect my

family and friends here who have such strong faith.